| February 1, 2022 As February 1st fast approaches, layers of emotions, adrenaline and thoughts propel both Chris and I, to dig a little deeper, seek after the Lord further and to continue to keep our heads above the water. February 1st represents the day that our son Josh departed and never came back. We are asking those that have been on this journey with us to join in a more concerted prayer covering around the time of February 1st. Let me share a few thoughts and then go to prayer points at the end. I do want to convey that our journey is our journey. There are some of you who are going through way bigger and stronger trials, and we don’t want to minimize your grief and sorrow but felt to share thoughts about ours in the hope of bearing witness to God in who He is and who we should cling to in times of uncertainty. It is difficult to articulate precise words and thoughts that come from the last 365 days that Josh has been missing. It is difficult to share a parent’s concern, worry and confusion. It is difficult to describe the emotional spectral ride we have been on this year. At the same time when words are hard to come by, faith flows like water from a stream when it comes to God’s presence, His comfort and His love to us as a family. God is and has been very real and very tangible. Let me give you more context to February 1st. Josh has lived away from us since the age of 16; forging his own path and his own life. After leaving Belize, first was Canada, then as a Marine for 5 years and lastly living in Mexico for 2 years. Josh came to Hawaii at the age of 26 for a stopover for a few months. It was to be a time to seek out new opportunities (jobs or otherwise) and to be near the water which he craved; reminiscent of younger years aboard ships and sailing vessels as a child. Less than 5 months of reunion and being under the same roof does not give adequate time to really know someone, even if that someone is your adult son; especially since Josh was gone a lot, staying out alone for long periods of time. Josh has always been a world changer, doing things many would say are out of the box actions and thinking. We love him for his spiritedness despite his actions being somewhat unique to North America standards Feb 1st can bring a multitude of quandary. Is it just an anniversary of Josh’s departure and not returning? Is Feb 1st representing another 365 days of wait and no closure? Does Feb 1st have him waltzing through the front door and stating his accomplishment of living off the land for a year? All these question marks are our reality. Of course, the latter outcome would be most wonderful, but his return creates another layer of depth in seeking clarity and understanding in the midst of the celebration. There are two main areas where for me, the processing has been the most profound and real. Two areas that we have wrestled with these past 365 days. Grief~ Grief in all our lives is never linear. Whether its loss of life, loss of a dream, of relationships, a pet or loss of a job; the pain is real, tangible and raw. God created us as humans to grieve with purpose; cycles of healing so that our bodies can handle pain and move along a continuum of health, reckoning and ultimately back to life all while living with a tasteless palatable loss. Cycles of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and eventually acceptance all vacillating within our being to make sense of griefs reality. When counseling others over the years with those experiencing tremendous grief, I have often shared a quote to help those make sense of their extreme feelings. “Grief takes time for the heart and the mind to catch up to each other.” For us, these 365 days hasn’t produced the normal and natural “cycles” of grief. Nor has “time” healed. I have talked with other colleagues this year, prayed a lot this year but the progression of grief has been challenging to say the least with not having the proper closure one gets with those types of grief I listed above. We don’t have confirmation that Josh is dead or alive… we have no ending… only speculation… unknowns… and uncertainty…! Caught in an unending cycle of yuck. I’ve had death in my life from both my parents passing and loved ones over the years. All those lives lost; acceptance has occurred in due time as my body, soul and spirit has healed. Our journey at this moment in time, is a chasm of heart pain that goes down deep, unending and continuous, leaving the soul exposed; 365 days of unsurmountable sadness. Tension~ Tension can be defined as the state or condition resulting from forces acting in opposition to each other, the state of being stretched tight. Living life with the constant “tension” of death for your son is rough, while opposing thoughts that he may be alive and that he is truly ok is hard to grapple with. Like a rubber band pulled with extreme pressure, we live in two worlds: living life, loving life and doing God stuff on one hand while having this shadow hanging over us on the other. Our faith and God’s sovereignty work together to enable us to live in pain while still trusting and fully living. God walks beside us in the midst of our pain. The world falsely tells us that life cannot be lived with these two opposing forces at play. With faith, Chris and I fight again that propaganda every day. Tension is even found in the little things. A helicopter sound that I never paid attention too before, makes my mama’s heart accelerate due to search and rescue memories. “Sightings” of Josh as you drive around town: a barefoot guy, a curly haired guy, a sun kissed shirtless guy keeps the tension pulled ever so tightly. We choose to fight for joy even when our hearts beckon to beat otherwise. The enemy and the world want to bring unfathomable pressure, squeezing you till you can’t breathe, removing the air from your lungs. The Lord brings life, strength and resolve. Sharing prayer points is… let’s just say complicated. There are a lot of layers of pain yet knowing that God is good. He knows Josh’s where abouts and most importantly knowing that God is with our family’s struggle helps enormously. Prayer points:That regardless of what Feb 1st brings and its future, The full awareness that God is always near That regardless of knowing or not knowing whether Josh is dead or not…we will be okThat regardless of our circumstances, we will trust… we will trust in the LordThank you for your continued prayers ~Lynn and Chris Thank you so much for being part of missions with us! Your prayers and financial support are deeply appreciated. We’d love to hear how you are doing and know how we can prayer with and for you. Please visit our contact and support info page May you be blessed as you are indeed a blessing!  Want to change how you receive these emails? You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list |
| This email was sent to <<Email Address>> why did I get this? unsubscribe from this list update subscription preferences Chris and Lynn Toney · 76-6306 Kaheiau St. · Kailua Kona, HAWAII 96740 · USA |